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Tattling PDF Print E-mail

"Johnny's taking the materials off the shelf and he didn't have a lesson!"

As children learn acceptable behavior, they become very adept at pointing out the mistakes of their peers. What should our response be to "tattletaling"? We want to acknowledge their judgment, but we don't want to encourage their focusing on the negatives of their friends. What do we do?

We find it helpful to let them know they are correct in their assessment: "You've noticed a mistake, haven't you?" But rather than foster any self-righteousness on the part of the teller, we might continue: "Remember we talked about mistakes in class? What are mistakes for?"

"For learning."

"Yes, mistakes are great because when we uncover them they teach us new things. What exactly do you think the mistake is that Johnny made?"

"He took materials off the shelf when he didn't know how to use them."

"How could we help Johnny learn from this mistake and correct it? What do you think you could do for him?"

"I could tell him the right way. Maybe I could help him put it back."

"Can you do that in a way that Johnny will feel happy?"

In most cases, the solution then comes from the child without the offender feeling guilty or criticized. This is a small example, but the same principle applies to older children who may be bullying or using foul language, or to any situation your child may come home complaining about.

Help them to understand that the offender is a good person who is making a mistake. If we help her to uncover the mistake, she can correct it, and she will want to correct it if she knows her friends care enough to help her. Criticism and condemnation, on the other hand, often perpetuate the problem. The children are reminded regularly that they have the qualities they need to make our world a good place to live; that mistakes are useful for growth and learning; that we focus on each other's strengths and support each other through weaknesses. Our "daily recap" at the end of the day helps the children to think about events during the day that may have bothered them, and to look for the right solutions.

I sometimes think these discussions are the most important part of our curriculum, because they create the atmosphere in which self-esteem and peace of mind are established. Without these qualities, it's much harder to focus on academics.
 
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