Parents sometimes comment that our hallways seem somewhat disordered at the elementary level compared to other schools. Wouldn’t it be better if the children lined up and walked silently in the halls?

One of the four basic rules in our school is that students are obedient to whoever is leading them at the time. (The others are no hurting, no bad language, always be sure a teacher knows where you are.)  It would be very easy to snap every child to order and regiment them into correct behavior. Teaching would be so much simpler if we could control the students like this. But - and it’s a huge but ...

The key difference between Montessori education and public school education is that we are guiding the children to becoming self-directed, self-motivated, self-confident and self-disciplined. This kind of self-possessiveness takes the same practice to achieve as any other skill. A child who is regimented has no opportunity to practice, and therefore not the same opportunity to develop it. Let’s take two examples:

Kelly attends a class where (s)he is tightly controlled at all times. (S)he would never push anyone in a line-up, speak in the hallway or run around a room, because the consequences would be immediate . However, when out of a teacher’s control, Kelly tends to act without control, feeling a rare freedom.

Leslie attends a Montessori school, where (s)he has the freedom to walk at random, speak and enter a room at will. Leslie might occasionally jostle another child, thunder down the stairs, yell in the hallway or run into a room. The Directress observes this behavior, and would probably speak to him/her individually to correct it. But what also happens is the class as a group would discuss how to move in the hallway, the consequences of yelling or of bumping into other children; they would talk about how they feel when they act unselfishly, move calmly, use grace and courtesy. They would have many, many discussions about being the best they could be, about making others feel good about themselves, about self-control and self-discipline. Gradually, Leslie would develop acceptable behavior that comes from within, and that will stay with her/him for life.

The first method is clearly the easiest; the second requires great skill on the part of the teacher. There is a need for minute-by-minute judgment on when to rein a child in, when to give more freedom, knowing that they must learn from their mistakes. A new teacher often struggles with class control until this skill is well-developed, and it really can only come through practice. A new directress will receive support until she is confident in this method of management.

When children start with us at the Primary level, this job is much easier, as they already have the "roots" of self-discipline, even though they naturally become more boisterous as they get older. When they enter our environment as older students, usually from schools where they have not had much freedom, the Directress needs different directives and guidelines for these students than for the others, until they have learned greater self-discipline. I think you can understand that this is probably the greatest challenge of any teacher. The Primary level is easier, as the children respond naturally to being calm and quiet. But if we want the inner development to continue, we must allow freedom for the older children so that they can develop skills so important to their success in later life. This sometimes looks messy, but this messiness is positive!

If you would like to read more on this subject, we suggest Spontaneous Activity in Education or The Secret of Childhood, both by Maria Montessori. Or find relevant articles in the NAMTA journals, also in the parent library.

Agreeing that "it takes a whole village to raise a child", we really appreciate the help of parents who understand our process, in guiding the students to greater self-control.

The purpose of discipline is to help the individual discover his or her innate goodness. There are two aims of discipline:

1. To correct inappropriate behaviour

2. To protect others from the influence of negative behaviour

We concur with the First Nations people’s view of discipline, that a wrong-doer belongs in a clinic rather than in a jail, so that the problem causing the wrong behaviour can be discerned and corrected through nurturing, caring treatment, rather than condemnation. Discipline is then based on the need to respect oneself, each other and property.

To correct unacceptable behaviour at Roots & Wings, we first need to focus the individual’s attention on the behaviour, then help him or her to understand that it is unacceptable, why it is so, and the consequences for its reoccurrence. There should not be arbitrary, imposed punishment by an authority, but clear choices made available to the individual, so that he or she is empowered and encouraged to make right choices, always aware of the consequences of whatever choice is made.

The following behaviours are absolutely and unequivocally not acceptable:

It is not possible to set a formula for behaviour problems, because it is vital to look at each situation individually, considering the motive and abilities of the wrong-doer. Opportunity must always be given for reform. A person who feels condemned will probably repeat the offence.

The general procedure for correcting inappropriate behaviour is as follows:

1. At the first infraction, a warning is given

2. At the second infraction, the individual is usually removed from a group and asked to clarify his mistake, either orally or in writing, stating what he or she could have done that would have been more appropriate, and committing to correcting the mistake, with the consequence of not doing so clearly defined. A note is made of this procedure.

3. A third infraction for the same mistake would usually result in the individual’s being removed for a longer time, and both the parent and the Principal being informed. A conference may be appropriate at this time.

4. A fourth infraction would likely involve a longer period of removal of the individual, and a parent conference would be necessary. It may be helpful for a contract to be drawn up between the individual and the teachers, parents and Principal at this time.

5. Continued infractions would no doubt point to a need for counseling. Dependent on the effect on other students, it may also involve suspension or dismissal from school.

It is important during this entire procedure that details be confidential, that other children be encouraged not to condemn, but to help and encourage an individual who is struggling with misbehaviour, and that all involved attempt to work at separating the behaviour from the doer, constantly encouraging him or her to recognize that this is not part of him/her, and it is possible to be free from it.

For more information read: Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn

Why? Does it really matter? Okay, there’s the food waste and the starving kids in Africa. But it’s not like we can’t afford a bit of wasted food, and if you want to mail them to Africa, fine. Should we really care about whether or not our children eat their crusts?

Let’s look, not at the wasted food, but rather at the wasted opportunities to teach our children to stretch, to increase their tolerance for challenge, to take the path that is not always the easiest and most comfortable. In a pamphlet entitled "The Unfoldment of Character", Mary Kimball Morgan, the founder of a school and college, writes:

Lincoln did not become President because he had a high I.Q. or because his parents gave him lots of homework. It was because he readily accepted a challenge and strove to reach high goals. If we want our children to be successful, we need to guide them to do the same, feeling satisfaction and pride in achievement. Are we giving opportunities–many opportunitites – to discipline themselves, rather than constantly telling them what to do. Perhaps they are responsible for emptying the garbage before dinner, with the natural consequence that they don’t eat until it is done. No nagging or reminders. Just, "When the garbage is taken out you may eat." Or they want to take lessons – music or karate or basketball or …whatever. They need to discipline themselves to practise. Nobody likes to practise, but it does not contribute to your child’s development of self-discipline to allow him to quit lessons because he doesn’t want to practise. One of the things I feel I did right with my own children was I insisted that they choose something they liked to do, then commit to practising it. Two of them learned to play the piano, and both, for several years in a row, wanted to quit because they didn’t like to practise. I told them they could quit if they wanted to, as long as they found something else they enjoyed, but which required the discipline of practice. They both continued with piano, and now both spend many hours simply enjoying playing. I didn’t care whether or not they became pianists, but I did care that they developed a tolerance for tedium and the discipline that brings so many rewards. We need to help our children learn to tolerate disappointment, rather than experience instant gratification of their every wish (buy me some candy Mom); to use their time creatively, rather than turn on the television; to do without lunch if they forget it, rather than being "rescued" from natural consequences. It’s sometimes painful to watch them suffer consequences, but it’s not helpful to deprive them of the opportunities to learn from their mistakes. Better now than later!

An individual with self-discipline has the tools for success in many areas of life – in school, college, his job, in caring for another in a relationship, in caring for children, in contributing to his community and being an effective steward of the earth. Without self-discipline, the paper doesn’t get recycled and the cans go the easiest route to the dump. It takes self-discipline not to buy ready-made and instant foods with all their packaging, to refill containers rather than buy serving size packages for lunches It takes discipline to exercise, to eat sensibly, to screen our children’s television, to have the patience to allow them to do for themselves, instead of doing it for them.

How do we at Roots & Wings help our students develop self-discipline? It begins with the requirement to respect the environment, to return work ready for the next child’s use, to hang up one’s coat, to drink water instead of juice and eat vegetables without dip; to get ready for school on time, to wait patiently for another child to finish with a desired activity. It’s further developed as the children are given the opportunities to choose their own goals, along with the requirement to work towards them. It takes self-discipline on the teachers’ parts to present possibilities and allow the children to make their own choices. It takes discipline for the parent at home to provide opportunities for responsibility, rather than require the child to sit and do math questions which they supply. We could tell the children exactly what to do for homework, but this would not help them to develop the discipline required to make wise choices and decisions that help them to achieve their goals. Helping our children develop decision-making ability is usually more work, at least to start with. But the payback is huge, not only in your freedom from having to nag and do for your children what they could do for themselves, but in their great growth in self-esteem and achievement. And this ability to discipline thought is not unrelated to disciplined responses to peer influence to act immorally, particularly during adolescence.

Our hot lunch program provides tremendous opportunities for self-sacrifice and self-discipline, as students learn the responsibility of planning, making shopping lists, preparing ahead, cleaning gross pots, etc., as well as putting their guests’ needs first, serving with grace, no matter how they’re feeling; to feel the satisfaction of knowing that one is totally responsible for fulfilling a role on which others depend. The same goes for punctuality and earthwear.  It’s to develop this self-discipline that we have consequences, more than because there is any major disruption to anyone else.

The world needs disciplined people – and it starts with our children. So, should your child eat his or her crusts? What do you think?

(Now, give yourself a pat on the back for being such a great parent!)